Creative gestures

Smack in the middle of this potent year, a day after solstice and around Midsummer, it’s time to follow this thread of desire to blog and see where it leads. This whole yearning to share oneself online is a bizarre experience to pin down…it can be vulnerable enough to share oneself in person, and while writing online provides the comfort of deliberating on thoughts in privacy, how strange is it to press publish to an anonymous audience? Besides myself, who am I writing to?

Because of this, there has been so much hesitation about sharing my thoughts and expression online. It’s vulnerable, point blank. Let’s go ahead and make it more vulnerable by putting it all on the table and naming what the other hesitations are, they might just resonate with you too (whoever you are):

Judgement. Oh my god judgement....judging myself, my thoughts and writing ability and whether certain creative gestures are a solid use of time.

Fear of judgement from others. Strangely, the fear of judgement doesn’t come so much from any of the actual content that I might write, but instead the fear of having my writing critiqued and scribbled up with a red pen (What?? It’s true…)

It’s also fear of seeming self-indulgent (what makes rambling “worth” publishing) and silly.

I’m worried about sharing my passions into a vacuum. It’s vulnerable.

There it is. Fear has been in the driver seat for why I’ve kept from sharing myself fully in person, online, whatever. What I do know from sitting on so many ideas for so many years: the intention, the ‘Why’ with a capital W, is pure fuel for feeling connected, creatively liberated and ultimately, for being of service. It’s no secret that we’re in desperate need for all of these things. Writing this now and publishing it on this little corner of the web is one step to letting ‘Why’ try its hand at driving, and welcoming fear along for the ride in its proper place.

When it comes down to it, like so many creative gestures, the act of blogging or sharing thoughts in general is extremely low-stake even when it can make you feel naked. If you have also been sitting on a creative project for months or years now for fear of how the formal qualities will be perceived — whether it’s writing poetry or your technical ability in painting or sewing — may these words be a nudge to feel that block and take it along on the journey and the project that is waiting for you. We can expect typos and decisions that might make us cringe later, but I think that we are all so hungry to see people showing up for the things that really light them up, and to be doing it publicly when we feel like it, in all of our beautiful, imperfect figuring-it-outness.

Because it is medicine, and it will be medicine for yourself and the people that will have the gift of witnessing your creative expression and the -process- of deepening and expanding in that.

And if it feels like an idea is “not enough” in any way, it never has to be anything more than a creative gesture or iteration, just like this post.